I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
