I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
