I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
