Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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