the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ladies don't puke and tell
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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