I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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