just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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