I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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