My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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