hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
