i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
