you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
