Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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