Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
