those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
