Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
be right there i have to get my cape
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
