I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
