Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
