Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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