Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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