Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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