its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
