Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
