Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
