i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
