Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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