My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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