You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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