I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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