I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
