We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
