I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
are you so shy because you have an std?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
