i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
