His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we're making bets on your personal life
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Boobs speak an international language.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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