i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i wish my penis had a tongue
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
