Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Randomize
