OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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