And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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