glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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