dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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