whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
