His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
