Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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