Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The air taste purple.
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