some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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