i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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