You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
