Cold hands, warm shart.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
