i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
