Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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