he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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