Just fell off a train. Bad.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
