when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
