Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Are my feet made of real feet?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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